As a young man, I had quite a temper. But after becoming a vegetarian in 1994, despite some curveballs that life threw me, I definitely calmed down. There was a time when total strangers commented on how calm I was, how peaceful.
Not anymore.
Last year I was living in a temple. It was an idyllic situation. But a Chinese friend and his sister came to visit. "Everyone knows you," my friend said. "They knew right where your room is." "Yes," added his sister, "and they said you have a bad temper!"
This caught me off guard. Not the reputation one wants, especially as one of the few non-Chinese living in temples in China (and the only one at my temple, if you don't count a Malaysian-born Chinese speaker).
But in May, I found out that I had severe diabetes. (It's much better now, thank you.) By all accounts, Type II creeps up on you quite slowly. And some of the symptoms are (taa daaa) fatigue, confusion, and irritability.
In fact, the reason I went to the doc was extreme exhaustion. But I know that my mental acuity ain't what it used to be (far beyond the mere effects of being 53), and as for my temper: unbelievable.
I have had shouting matches in public with perfect strangers. Sometimes it's been so bad that I've sort of gone "out of body," and seen how ridiculous my rage is even while it's happening.
To be tired and confused bears no moral stigma. But Anger is one of Buddhism "Three Poisons" (along with Desire and Ignorance--the spiritual kind, not the simple dottiness I've suffered of late). To be known as an Angry Person in a Buddhist monastery? Really bad.
So now I know: there's an organic cause. Even though fatigue is no longer a problem, and my blood sugar levels are marvelous, I still dither more than I'd like, and get irritated more than I should. (Bad for the blood pressure, too; but even those numbers are looking better these days.)
What got me on this topic? Today I was skimming someone's website and saw this gem:
"He who angers you controls you."
Wow. That's powerful. Maybe contemplating this will help.
Any other suggestions (especially from those living in the wonderful-but-frustrating country where I live)?
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